This annual celebration of all things blueberry – the official state fruit of New Jersey – is considered to be one of the finest old-fashioned festivals in the tri-state region. The Burlington County Times described the Whitesbog Blueberry Festival as “a reminder that good old country life is alive and well” in the region. Browns Mills, New Jersey, June 3rd, 2014 - The 31st Annual Whitesbog Blueberry Festival will be held Saturday, June 28th, … [Read more...]
Dispatch: Atom Ant Japanese Houseguest
John M. Edwards receives a strange visitor from the Nipponese “Land of the Rising Sun,” who is, of course, despite a strong yen, ultimately a freeloader. In Westfield, New Jersey, United States, North American Continent, at my apt upstairs from the now-long-gone Tullio’s Hair Salon (which daily pumped up the odoriferous air of Free Heat, Aqua Velva, and Brill Cream), I received a visitor from not another planet exactly but instead from a way … [Read more...]
Cuisine Minceur: Eat, Pay, More
John M. Edwards explores the popular Foodie movement of “Cuisine Minceur” (small food), invented in Les Landes, France, wherein gullible gourmands counting calories get much less food for much more money. . . . I feel sorry for the people who use the term “FOODIE.” It is a term less about the ends justifying the means and more about just being mean. Whenever I hear the euphemism, I flinch involuntarily, as when your PC (“pretend … [Read more...]
Charles Addams Family Values
John M. Edwards, a paparazzo of the paranormal, stalks the The New Yorker’s most famous and fiendish poltergeist cartoonist back to his moody hometown: Westfield, New Jersey. “Give me a place to stand on, and I will have the earth.” --ARCHIMEDES In Westfield, New Jersey, I finally found the moody manse of cartoonist Charles Addams, probably The New Yorker’s most famous and fiendish cartoonist, and also the inspiration for the TV series … [Read more...]
Going Deutsch: The Pennsylvania Dutch Country is really German
John M. Edwards arrives like gangbusters in the Pennsylvania Dutch Country, a fundamentalist locavore dreamscape straight out of the Harrison Ford flick “Witness.” When my British friend Vicky Langdale arrived at my apartment above Tullio’s Hair Salon in Westfield, New Jersey, I began brainstorming for something different to do, and I decided on a car trip to the Pennsylvania Dutch Country. Both of us had seen the Harrison Ford movie … [Read more...]
Little Denmark
At a British- or Irish-style “public house” in an old colonial town, a fictional action figure named John M. Edwards sucks down suds with serendipity. I was standing at the bar at the Jolly Trolley in Westfield, New Jersey, staring at my Fuller’s London Pride, when I decided I was so drunk I would indeed have a hangover in the morning. The red label reminded me of the Protestant solidity of London and the infinite possibilities of drinking … [Read more...]
T Up: Thank God for the Oil Companies!
JOHN M. EDWARDS, part owner of a privately held oil and natural gas concern based in Houston and New Orleans, gushes on about one of nature’s most valuable resources: petroleum! You can’t get to a rainforest without any transport to get you there. Luckily most major oil companies like Chevron and Shell have absolutely no interest in damaging the primary rainforests of the Amazon and Congo, although there is always some drilling on the edges … [Read more...]
Gotham
John M. Edwards, alias ”Tom James, Zagat Reviewer,” wonders if a bon vivant who can’t cook but can criticize, could possibly win a James Beard prize for “gourmandism.” “I’m sorry but we are fully committed!” The dumbed-down dame maitr’d, a dead ringer for “Jewel,” flashed an ultra ambiguous vampyr smile. Inside, it did indeed slightly resemble a lunatic asylum. Horsey-faced tourists yammered loudly, throwing back their heads with … [Read more...]
Halloween Hell
“If you don’t give me your candy, I’m going to bloody your nose!” menaced the big kid who had chased me down and tackled me onto a driveway. “Here, take it, I don’t want it, I don’t want it,” I whimpered miserably, adrenaline on overtime, phlegm and tears dripping like candlewax down my Pumpkinhead face. I quickly handed over my pillowcase jampacked with Hershey’s, Sweet Tarts, Razzles, Doublemint Gum, Milk Duds, Candy Corns, icky … [Read more...]
Investigating Legendary Party Thrower Jim Haynes
It was through my fellow American expat friend, “The Famous Zack,” a black Christian science-fiction writer originally from Ohio, with a short story coming up back then in the now-defunct “AMAZING STORIES,” that I first heard about the wild parties thrown by the legendary Jim Haynes, whom some sour-grape artists deemed an apocryphal “traitor.” So well known was Haynes as a manic socialite host that he even felt propelled to write a … [Read more...]